Rather sit on a toilet than stand?

Yes, it does sound rather bleak - apparently that's what GA commuters have to face.

tight squeeze

Unfortunately there are speed restrictions at #stratford at the moment, so things are a little cramped. On the plus side I am on the 0740 rather than the 0759 - so it makes me feel like I am really making an effort coming in early (albeit later than usual).

What cracks me up though is the man who would actually rather sit in the disgusting toilet (not the seating area around the toilet carriage, I'm talking he must be full on sitting on the toilet seat) than stand up!! He was a rather large man, so maybe standing up was too much for him, but to be honest, I don't know how he has managed to fit in the toilet, it's tiny in there! I just can't wait to see when he comes out, I just want to look at his face, and give him a "wow, well done" look. I wonder if he's in there thinking about all the people that have done their business in there, never mind the other things that doesn't bear thinking about! (yes, your fellow travelers are filthy animals).

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6077112/Twittering-on-the-toilet-Britains-bathroom-habits.html

Okay so he has just emerged just before Liverpool Street, he actually flushed the chain before he came out, so perhaps it was just the world's longest toilet session? Funnily enough, he has gone through the doors to the next carriage, so I imagine he knows that I am judging him.

Dear the girl who just spilt coke on my white skirt....

So it has been a while since I have been on a rant, I started to think that maybe I had started to mellow, accepted my commuter fate, and just accept it like the other lemmings  grin and bear it.

Not yesterday, not only was I sitting on a train which was probably averaging about 39 degrees Celsius minimum. This stupid stupid girl comes and sits in between me and a man (look, it's disgustingly hot, just wait for the next train or stand the eff up) so I had about 20 mins of her rubbing against me.  Do you understand that scratchy, invasion of personal space *someone rubbing against you and it feels excruciatingly annoying* feeling? I try to sleep and relax, to find that she's done the same, and no, it's not what you think, she doesn't lean on me, nor dribbles - no, she spills a can of Coke all over my white pristine cotton skirt (to make you realise how potentially angry this could make me, I been protecting my skirt all day, I didn't even pick up the Evening Standard in case of getting my skirt dirty).  What makes this situation worse is that she doesn't really alert me, I just notice as she's rubbing herself, and then to my horror I let out a 'what have you done?!' to her 'I'm so sorry', there were no conviction in her words, she didn't get up, offer to wipe me, repeatedly say sorry nor even take her headphones out of her ear - she starts playing with her hair instead. I am not even going to get started on the man opposite me who took up 3 seats with his giant spread out legs and 'if I pretend I am a fat dead person no one will sit next to me' attitude.

When are you idiots ever going to learn how to behave on trains? It's very hot, I'd just like some light relief when I finally get a seat - is that too much to ask?  I hope she reads this, and I hope she sits next to some irritating 10 year old on summer holidays with a big carton of Ribena and an unsteady hand sometime soon.

Twitter RAGE!!

I am sure a lot of you are now aware of the new Twitter account and website GA Complaints where commuters are encouraged to share their views on Greater Anglia, in order to hopefully try and create a 'movement' towards change and improvement on the lines. I haven't had a chance to 'tweet in' yet, but I am certain I will have the occasion over the wet, leafy, frosty, winter months.

On the website there is a poll where you can rate your service - currently it's pretty bleak with 72% of the 645 voters saying they receive a 'poor service'.  I know it's a complaint service, but wow the Twitter page is a depressing read - people are on the war path!! 

Does anyone have anything good to say about Greater Anglia?  these days? Apart from that leaflet that I received in the post this week telling me with joy about the 'off peak deals' and 'weekend deals' that reminded me how much I effing pay per year and what a mark up they must have!!!

I try not to be too negative against GA, I genuinely, up until the last ten days, have been pretty pleased with the service I have received in the last six months on the whole.  However, I am not sure my sentiment will remain the same when I find out the price increase of my season ticket in the New Year.  

I have noticed that people are really upset with the condition of the trains - generally I don't find the trains in that bad a way in terms of cleanliness - try some of the regional trains in France - and then come back to me.  Additionally, half of the time, it's your fellow travelers that have left 'your train' in a shambles and it's often fellow travelers that even hold you up! 

Another one of my bug bears during this time of year is what I like to call 'The Goldilocks Effect' :

Take Mr. X - he gets on the train in a hat, coat, scarf and opens a window, then Ms. Y (she's in a T-Shirt)moans she is cold, they have an argument,their fellow commuters can empathise with both sides but no-one obviously diffuses the situation...the window does probably get shut in the end and Mr. X takes off his winter wear (tutting), and Ms. Y red-faced through frustration, but the rest of us are now sitting awkwardly, texting, bbming, facebooking, tweeting "awkward moment on train this morning, #lovecommuting, #moronontrain, #imstill hot."  I am sorry to say, you can't please everybody.  

Now, I am a fine one to complain, and don't get me wrong, I like to give GA a good bashing when the trains are delayed, lines are bad and it's not ideal - but please remind me what service is 100% perfect?  I no doubt expect some backlash from this, but I would like to say it's not only GA that ruins my £4.5k service!!

You can't help but chuckle...

So it has been a while since I have posted.  I went away for a week, sick for two weeks, so my non-commuting life was rather calm and somewhat...boring.  

We haven't been delayed too much recently and I can thankfully say that no one has upset me to the point that I need to do a blog-rage, so maybe I am making some progress, or in fact, commuters are becoming more train-friendly.

I happened to come across an article today, which did make me laugh.  I haven't actually seen them myself, as I don't tend to use the toilets in the trains, but I've heard that these prank stickers are not only in the toilets, so I will have to check them out.  We have our own version (albeit slightly distasteful!) of COMMUTER BANKSY !

Check this out!

Taken from article in the Braintree and Witham Times.

Apparently Greater Anglia are not amused by the defacing of the carriages, but you know, sometimes it's nice to have a little light hearted fun on the train.  What are your thoughts?  Have you seen any on the train on your daily commute?

Please send me pictures by Twitter if you have done! @chelmsfordienne  

Rail Fare Rise

I was just checking out BBC news as I grabbed a coffee at work to see there is already talk about the rise in rail fares next year - apparently double that of inflation, here is the article if you want to check it out.  There is no mention of the actual figures yet.  

doing some calculations...

Now, this extra money will be used as an investment to improve the network.  I used to get so incensed when a new increase was introduced, whereas right now as I read it, I am 1) not surprised by this announcement and 2) mildly hopeful that it will improve the service I receive.  Am I being naive?  Or should I just return to my cynical self?

What are your thoughts on the matter, do you think our already expensive tickets should be kept at the price that they are? Wonder what Greater Anglia think...thoughts kindly welcomed!

Olympic Commuter Fever

Well,what a two weeks; the last working days of the Olympics,many medals for Team GB and also legendary standards on the commuting side.  My trains haven’t been delayed, they have been no busier than usual -  a slight exchange for families with commuters – but I’ve probably preferred that to be honest.

Although sometimes the thought of non-commuters getting our trains(this feeling, I can only compare to how gypsies must feel about ‘gorgers’) is horrible, and leaves me with a little tingle down my spine (and not in a good way) as they are unaware of train etiquette, speed nor volume control.  It has actually been refreshing, as they have brought Olympic spirit.  I have seen people with face paintings, flags and all kinds of Team GB clothing – and I am going to say it but I have enjoyed it – watching people excited about Olympics rather than watching the misery guts that I sometimes get the train with, has greatly improved my commuting experience.  I hope that the Paralympics also brings me the same buzz.

Another tip that has been really helpful for me and chilled me out a bit is Twitter, Greater Anglia have retweeted any small delays, status updates around Stratford, all fellow tweeters have been much appreciated.  So if you don’t have a Twitter account, then I advise that you create one and follow @greateranglia, you can also follow me too whilst you are at it @chelmsfordienne  !

Olympics - day 3

Now if anyone who is going to test the tubes/rail with a critical eye - it's me, but do you know what, I am going to do a positively happy blog post..

I know we are only Day 3 into London Olympiad, but can I just say (and yes, I am eating my hat) that I am rather shocked by the lack of people today.

My evening tube journey (at peak time) towards the Olympic Park was a delight - less people than usual on the central line, and a little less on the train too.

Now I am not sure if this is due to Londoners getting the hell out of London, city slickers leaving early, or there really aren't as many people as they expected.

I read this evening that there are definitely an extra 2 million people who have entered the UK for this...so where are they - oh what do I care - I'm just glad that they're not on my trains.
Here's to a successful Olympics - and to all those of you who are off on holiday - don't come back! ;-)

If you want heads up as to where it will be bad - I have found this site interesting even if not that useful yet!

#happycommuter

Feet on seats!!!

After a long hard day at work, I turn to see this, I had to take a picture of this as I was that incensed!

Aaaaggghhh what is wrong with these people.  Why on earth would you put your dirty shoes on seats meant for sitting?  I have to sit on them, in fact, you completely selfish ignorant commuter - it will be more than likely that you have to sit on them again.    I seriously hope that one day you end up sitting in some foul matter one day, and maybe you'll realise how gross it is to sit on crap from someone else's shoe.

This guy has to be at least 35 years old - you'd have thought he'd have some respect.

Can someone please enlighten me as to why you would this?  I mean, maybe it's me, perhaps I am being pedantic...but would you want to sit on what's on his shoe?  I'm not even getting onto the rant that he is monopolising seats!!

Get ahead of The Games!!!

I keep seeing these ‘funny’ adverts for transport suggestions during the Olympics…like suggesting that I should cycle instead of taking the tube because of all the amount of people using public transport, and then to rub salt to my pre-Olympic-Commuter-wounds, I see pictures of escalators rammed with people dressed up as birds. 

(See right, equestrian on escalator, and below, a nice poster telling me to walk part of my 90 minute commute)

 

It doesn’t make me laugh in the slightest (well, perhaps me pretending to be an athlete as per left hand pic is admittedly laughable) it just reminds me what a nightmare travelling in London for the Olympics really is going to be like.  In fairness, yes if I was your standard tourist, or London visitor, I would find these ‘light-hearted’ cartoons rather comical, but really, I think the pictures should be a bit like 'commuter squashed against tube door, underground stations closed, bus queues, frustrated city slickers and me moaning.

I unfortunately work at Bond St, so I am going to be hit hard by the Central Line and Jubilee.  I get off at Stratford in the mornings, and my train stops at Stratford in the evenings.  There is no way on earth I am going to miss this delightful event.   I am just hoping that as the trauma of Olympic travelling sets in, that I start to appreciate this PR/Marketing campaign in order to cheer me up.

We cannot actually predict what it is going to be like, around an extra 2m people will be in London over the Olympics, so this will really be a test for London transport's infrastructure, and a real test on the average commuter’s nerves!  I always like to know what people think is going to happen...so any opinions welcome below...

Please do prepare yourselves for some good old fashioned commuter rants, I reckon I could potentially win a Gold medal for it!

Rain rain go away...

For many of us, the journey alone to the train station can be just as traumatic as getting on a train and experiencing some bad luck…

Yesterday, I awoke to torrential rain, and I have a 25 minute walk to the train station in the morning.  So off I set, I have knee high boots on, rain mac, hood, I am ready for rain action.  My umbrella is not, it’s not waterproof, and it breaks, I paid £15 for that TOTES umbrella – it was awful, note for you all, don’t buy the brand TOTES, it’s rubbish.  I had a Primark umbrella and it lasted me years.  I digress.  So I persist with my broken umbrella, flapping about, metal bits sticking in my hair.  Mild mutterings to myself as I plod on.

Don't buy totes umbrellas

As I do so, a wave, yes, a wave of rain water gets splashed all over me from a passing car, I am now soaking.  I get rage, I can feel that small burn inside me, questioning whether I should just turn back and go home.  I don’t.  Instead, I get my phone out, to text my rage and the fact I have been splashed head to toe in dirty rain road water ;-).  I text furiously, whilst holding broken umbrella, and….

Don't walk and text

I walk straight into a road sign post. Tears well up in my eye, I look around to see if anyone has scene, and in fairness, I didn’t hurt myself that much – but wow did I scream with anger!!!

After my mini tantrum, I get to the train station, sit on the train, someone sits next to me even though there are a lot of spaces around everywhere, whatevs. I am sodden and miserable, someone opens a window, to really accentuate the freezing cold temperatures.  I don’t even moan, don’t even ask to shut the window.  I am broken.  On the plus side, I’ve never been so glad to arrive in my lovely warm office – and you don’t hear me say that often!

Mr. OA (Oblivious Arsehole)

I thought  I would introduce you all to the man that I hate aka Oblivious Arsehole (OA) as I feel that he may feature continuously in this little blog over time (unless I get a new job and stop getting the train at certain times). 

I almost wish I could post a picture of him, but that would be unfair of me, so we will have to make do with this cartoon, and imagine him as short, slightly tanned, big lipped, suitably posh, probably in investment banking, but with a marketer-esque look.

So I met this guy actually on the tube, I was running to get on a very busy central line, got on with a decent amount of time, and Mr OA jumped on behind me and winded me, yes no exaggeration, he winded me as he jumped on and rammed me with such force.  Sort of said sorry after, but it was so nonchalant and care free that I took an automatic dislike to this self-centred dick who should have got on the next tube rather than jump on a space that didn’t exist, and wind me from behind. 

Unfortunately, from that day forward I haven’t stopped seeing him, he’s always being a total non-gentleman, he’s the type of guy that will push you out of the way for a seat on the tube, never offer a woman a seat, probably punch a pregnant woman in the stomach (okay, so I get carried away) but he’s an arsehole, and I am a very good judge of character. 

One day I got on the tube to find him being heavily flirtatious with one of his colleagues (he’s married by the way).  Then I find that he gets the train back to my little town, so not only does he plague me on the tube, but also my train home too, and then this week, he was there, on my morning train, standing behind me, being…pushy, annoying, arrogant.  He sat in First Class though, God knows if he actually has a First Class ticket (he probably thinks he deserves one), I would have texted ‘Dodger’ to Greater Anglia, if it wasn’t for the fact that I enjoy him being in a separate compartment from me.

Any of you guys have a OA on your commutes?

Just when you thought it was going so well...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_Buses_route_8

TWO posts in one day, surely not a good sign. Not a good sign for me anyhow. I knew I'd be punished for my earlier post.

After a monumentally long no. 8 bus journey to Liverpool St, as the Central Line was diabolical, I was still very calm for a first day back after a bank hol weekend. Until, I got down to the concourse to realise not only were the tubes going to let me down, but so were the trains.

Every now and then I hear the microphone make a muffling, like the train driver wants to announce something useful, but can't bring himself to lie to us. I think there should be a transparent screen so at least we could see the driver, I reckon I'd feel a bit sorry for him if I saw the despair on his face. We used to have this on the trams in France, it did lead to a lot of violent abuse from the general public, resulting in strikes...so maybe that is not our best option. 

What annoys me, is at the beginning of this journey, the driver clearly, loudly and proudly announced our train, where it was going and that we'd be leaving soon. (I knew this was a lie as - I'd heard announcements before getting on train). Inevitably,  No more than 2 minutes later, a mere shadow of this man made an announcement of signal problems - not that we really understood or heard it - it was that muffled and quiet. Dear driver, we can't get to you, so you may as well inform us of the delay and in a normal manner - at least we can inform our loved ones, or prepare for a journey of 'tuts' and 'pfffffts' in my case. 

We have now moved from Stratford, speeding up slightly. Mr. 'born in a barn' comes through and leaves the door wide open. I shut it for him. Yes, I seem to have to remind you of train etiquette once again. Just shut the damn door! Everyone around the door look at each other with an empathetic smile, I merely have a look of death.
So were the tubes and trains related? Who knows.  Olympic area related, of course! 

We have since dribbled our way back to Essex, not one word from dear driver since Stratford telling us the delays are over...I'm pretty angsty, so is my lift home from the station. 

Oh Greater Anglia, I was only gloating about you 6 hours ago. How fickle our relationship is...on the plus side I think I can just squeeze a delay and repay form out.

A commuter trip to Bath - First Great Western

On Thursday evening I experienced a new commute, Paddington to Bath with First Great Western, as I had a wedding to go to. I had high hopes for this journey, unfortunately it met my usual commuter disappointment!

Already, I get to Paddington ahead of time, to pick up my prebooked ticket. The queue was MASSIVE  (note to Paddington station, get some more effing self-service stations).  Now, I know it was Easter weekend, and maybe I should have arrived earlier - but why the frig should I when I'm paying for a service??!! I was half an hour early, this is largely early enough to print out some pre-booked tickets - or so I thought.

So as I'm standing in the queue, I have to play it tactically - I start talking to the girl next to me, I play the wedding card, I panick, I start heavy breathing. She tells me I can go in front. I move gratefully ahead, still panicking, with 6 minutes to go.  Then I get to next to the front with 3 mins to go, the boy is dithering, about to puts his card in and cancels - I tell him  (yes tell, I definitely didn't ask) that I need to get my ticket! Card in, tickets out (within 20 seconds, watch and learn!) I yell good luck to the girl that let me go in front, thank the boy whom was forced to let me go and ran like the wind. Relieved that I made it, I get to the train, I have a ticket, reserved seat, but I can't even get on the traiiiiin!!! Toooo many people, I try other carriages, but nothing.

My only choice, is first class, I run all the way back, and it's clogged with people at the entrance. I encourage others to go in - as up until this point they are standing outside of First Class - wasting perfectly good space and seats! God forbid that we use seats that aren't being used, just because we have paid for an economy seat!! (see pic!)

We start to filter through, I stick out my belly and pretend to be pregnant. I sit in an empty seat, rub my belly with a little distress, and now I pray that the ticket inspector doesn't come...the gentleman who was working on the train that night was there, but he was very kind to me, and didn't seem to bother him that I didn't have a first class ticket, as that train was so so so busy that there was absolutely no point even having a reserved ticket.  

So I sat and read my free Times newspaper, stuck my belly out until I got bored, and then just accepted that I was going to sit in first class for the rest of the journey.  On the whole, as a first class experience, it wasn’t too bad.  My train was 10 minutes late, but never have I ever seen such a nightmare for getting on a train.  I genuinely thought I was going to miss my train, and I am pretty certain a lot of people did that night.

I just want to know First Great Western, why even bother reserving tickets if I can't even manage to stand! ??

And, should we just get rid of First Class all together?

Makes you grateful for Greater Anglia!

p.s. I know, I am sorry for pretending to be pregnant, if any real pregnant women or old people were around, I would have definitely given up my seat ;-)

p.p.s. If you were that boy buying his ticket to Reading that I forced to stop, I also apologise for holding you up, but I can't deal with ditherers 2 minutes before a train leaves and I'd definitely do it again.

Personal grooming

As a rushed lady commuter, I appreciate as much as the next person that an extra 5 minutes in bed is a glorious pleasure, but I would like to remind people about train etiquette and personal space!

Train make up appliers...I mean, it doesn't overly annoy me, a little bit when you're covering a spot (it makes me gag a little) or when you are curling your eyelashes (side note: it's also really dangerous whilst on the train, you could injure yourself then make me late!).  I mean, if you have got this far without make up, then why bother putting it on at all?

Things that do annoy me: take Mrs eyebrow plucker...seriously, do you not have time to do that over the weekend? Or in the evening? I watch her in disgust (along with others) as she throws her little eyebrow hairs all over the place. She realises I'm watching her, so stops.

This morning, I had a hairbrusher, a vigorous hairbrusher with knots, and the thing that grossed me out was all the hair coming out. WHY would you that? It was falling everywhere, in clumps, it reminded me of grooming an effing dog.

Is this a time saving method, really? Can you not do this in your own home?

I remember one guy cutting his toenails once - super grim! I was younger then, and probably was too scared to pull a 'I'm so disgusted by your existence' face. Nowadays I would have no qualms with that.

It brings me to the question, should we as fellow commuters, try and educate these people by telling them the errors of their ways? Or am I am meant to take having eyebrow hairs being flicked onto me?

Have any of you experienced some personal grooming faux pas on the trains? More importantly, did you make any effort to stop them?

Happy travelling,